Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Rules for Competitive Mousing

Competitive Mousing Rules

Tomorrow's champion on the verge of greatness!

Section A.

Competitive mousing is an exciting way for cats and their owners to bond. Originally open to small dogs as well as cats; competitive mousing has come along way from its humble origins, and is now the penultimate venue for elite mousing teams. Competitive mousing was conceived and developed by the RHG (Rodent Haters Guild); a group of vassals fed up with rodents eating noble table scraps meant to nourish their meager and common existences.

Around 1430 A.D. (thats right Anno Domini I don't cotton to that C.E. crap) peasants began domesticating and training small dogs and house cats to wage war on the rodentia pestilentia as they would have referred to it if they were literate. As with all other forms of war the industrial revolution transformed competitive mousing into a sport for the entertainment of the emerging bourgeoisie class in Europe. In 1763 the first officially recognized mousing tournament was conducted in a back alley in Prague and although crude by today's lofty standards all the basic parts were in place.

With the dawning of the modern era of competitive mousing all dogs were banned from sanctioned events, because it was felt that the training of cats required more talent on the part of the owner/trainer. In the Modern era it also became clear that a uniform set of rules was required to allow for even competition on an international level. To that end the RHG and the USNPARL (United States Non Partisan Anti Rodent League) came together to form what is today's universally (a bronzed copy of the rule book was included on both voyager missions) accepted set of rules.

Section B.
Conformity of competitors

Rule 1. All competitors must belong to the genus Felis.

Rule 2. All competitors must belong to the species Silvestris.

Rule 3. Competitors may not be shaved to achieve an aerodynamic advantage.

Rule 4. Competitors may not use artificial aids to enhance their performance.

Rule 5. Competitors claws may not be sharpened by their owners; the competitors may however sharpen their own claws.

Rule 6. Competitors will be divided into two (2) groups typical and non-typical.

Rule 6a. The typical group will be comprised of "average" cats with five (5) toes and five (5) claws on each of the front paws of the competitor.

Rule 6b. The non-typical group will be comprised of all hairless breeds and any polydactyly competitors.

Section C.
Conformity of competitors with respect to professional and sponsored competition
Subsection C1. Introduction to new section

As the popularity of this sport has grown it has become common place for competitors and their owner/trainer's to be sponsored by individuals or corporations. With that in mind the governing bodies have created this new section of the rules to assert their will on the ever more powerful professional competitors.

Rule 1. Competitors may display one (1) "logo" or other symbol of the sponsor at a time.

Rule 2. Competitors may not alter their fur in any way other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".

Rule 2a. Competitors in the non-typical group may not alter their skin other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".

Rule 3. Owners/Trainers may affix as many "logos" to their body as they wish.

Section D.
Acceptable Locations for Competition

Rule 1. The location must posses a system to contain competitors and their prey.

Rule 2. The location must provide officials with appropriate locations for executing their official duties.

Rule 3. The location may or may not provide facilities for the use of spectators at their own discretion.

Rule 4. The competitive "arena" may employ obstacles to add a higher degree of difficulty to the competitors.

Section E.
Structure of Competition

Rule 1. A predetermined number of prey will be placed in the competitive "arena".

Rule 2. All competitors of the same group will be placed in a sack.

Rule 3. The bag shall be shaken vigorously and then the competitors shall be released into the competitive "arena".

Rule 4. Competitors will place all captured prey dead or alive in their respective bins.

Rule 5. At the end of regulation time the competitor's scores will be tallied.

Section F.

Rule 1. Dead prey will be counted as one (1) point.

Rule 2. Live prey will be counted as two (2) points.

Rule 3. In the event of a tie one half (.5) point will be subtracted for each partial carcass in the competitor's bin.

Section G.
Addendum to the rules of Competitive Mousing

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6a.

Addendum B1. Cats possessing "dew claws" on the hind legs are deemed to conform to they spirit of Section B. Rule 6a. and therefore may compete in the typical group without having said "dew claws" removed.

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6.

Addendum B2. The governing bodies reserve the right to create as necessary a third group of competition that ignores the rules of Section B. while still adhering to the spirit of the section. This "unlimited" group will be created when the governing bodies and competing populace determine that it is necessary for the group to be created in order to grow the sport or to foster a greater degree of difficulty in order maintain a competitive atmosphere.

Addendum to Section D. Rule 4.

Addendum D1. After an incident at the 1964 World Series of Mousing the governing bodies have determined that the competitive "arena" may not contain obstacles that are lethal to competitors and prey.
i.e. tiger traps, guillotines, deadfalls, etc.

Addendum D2. The exception to Addendum D1. will be bodies of water shallower than three (3) feet.

Section H.

Any dispute of the rules or suggestions for new rules may be submitted to the governing bodies at the biannual meeting of the governing bodies of competitive mousing. All submissions will be heard by the rules commission and all rulings will be considered the conclusion of a submission.