Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Advanced Bums of Waco: A Dungeon Masters Guide

Today we will investigate the advanced bums of Waco. Advanced bums only come in one flavor, drug addict. Homeless bums do not interact with "normals" enough to be further classified. I am sure that there are many other advanced bums than the ones listed here, but I am not a sociologist, so these are all you get.

  • White Trash Bum: White trash bum is both annoying and infuriating. This is because white trash bum possesses the +5 white trash children of pity. White trash bum will use this weapon against you and although it is a powerful weapon if you have -3 cold heart of ice you should be sufficiently armed to resist white trash bum's advances.
  • Crazy Eyes Bum: Crazy eyes bum is by far the most hilarious bum ever. Is he looking at you or your fern, you'll never know. While you suppress the urge to roll around on the floor convulsing with laughter; crazy eyes bum will try to encourage you towards philanthropic ends. If you can not refuse crazy eyes bum do not feel ashamed, because 100 years ago you would have had to pay for the priviledge of gazing upon crazy eyes' crazy eyes.
  • Salesman Bum: Salesman bum is an exceedingly annoying bum, because salesman bum tries to sell you his worthless trinkets in order to get his fix. There is one problem with salesman bum, and its that as soon as you make the mistake of buying some of his -2 trinkets of worthlessness he will turn into a regular drug addict bum and he will still be annoying.
Remember, no matter how funny, pitiful, etc. that a bum may be, never ever under any circumstances give a bum money. There will always be poor people regardless of how much money you give away; and giving money to a bum will only encourage it to annoy you for more money.

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