Rory Sabbatini: Saint

If everyone in this world treated slow golfers the way Rory Sabbatini did, the world would be a much better place. Slow play is the only thing that makes me madder than someone who can't spell lose. There is nothing worse than playing a round of golf in over 4 hours. As much as I hate to do it, when I become president I will be forced (by all the jackasses who don't know how to play golf) to push a constitutional amendment through congress. This amendment will force all golf in the United States to be played in 4 hours 30 minutes or less. When the time period elapses you will be given the opportunity to leave the course of your own free will if you do not leave the course you will be escorted by armed marshals. Playing golf in a timely manner is fundamental in proving your loyalty to your country; hell, I can teach a retarded communist chimp to play golf in under 4 hours. In conclusion, I your humble Rear Admiral will create the 28th amendment to our beloved constitution, and the seas will run red with the blood of all who oppose me.

ESPN