Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Rules for Competitive Mousing

Competitive Mousing Rules

Tomorrow's champion on the verge of greatness!


Section A.
Background

Competitive mousing is an exciting way for cats and their owners to bond. Originally open to small dogs as well as cats; competitive mousing has come along way from its humble origins, and is now the penultimate venue for elite mousing teams. Competitive mousing was conceived and developed by the RHG (Rodent Haters Guild); a group of vassals fed up with rodents eating noble table scraps meant to nourish their meager and common existences.

Around 1430 A.D. (thats right Anno Domini I don't cotton to that C.E. crap) peasants began domesticating and training small dogs and house cats to wage war on the rodentia pestilentia as they would have referred to it if they were literate. As with all other forms of war the industrial revolution transformed competitive mousing into a sport for the entertainment of the emerging bourgeoisie class in Europe. In 1763 the first officially recognized mousing tournament was conducted in a back alley in Prague and although crude by today's lofty standards all the basic parts were in place.

With the dawning of the modern era of competitive mousing all dogs were banned from sanctioned events, because it was felt that the training of cats required more talent on the part of the owner/trainer. In the Modern era it also became clear that a uniform set of rules was required to allow for even competition on an international level. To that end the RHG and the USNPARL (United States Non Partisan Anti Rodent League) came together to form what is today's universally (a bronzed copy of the rule book was included on both voyager missions) accepted set of rules.


Section B.
Conformity of competitors

Rule 1. All competitors must belong to the genus Felis.

Rule 2. All competitors must belong to the species Silvestris.

Rule 3. Competitors may not be shaved to achieve an aerodynamic advantage.

Rule 4. Competitors may not use artificial aids to enhance their performance.

Rule 5. Competitors claws may not be sharpened by their owners; the competitors may however sharpen their own claws.

Rule 6. Competitors will be divided into two (2) groups typical and non-typical.

Rule 6a. The typical group will be comprised of "average" cats with five (5) toes and five (5) claws on each of the front paws of the competitor.

Rule 6b. The non-typical group will be comprised of all hairless breeds and any polydactyly competitors.


Section C.
Conformity of competitors with respect to professional and sponsored competition
Subsection C1. Introduction to new section

As the popularity of this sport has grown it has become common place for competitors and their owner/trainer's to be sponsored by individuals or corporations. With that in mind the governing bodies have created this new section of the rules to assert their will on the ever more powerful professional competitors.

Rule 1. Competitors may display one (1) "logo" or other symbol of the sponsor at a time.

Rule 2. Competitors may not alter their fur in any way other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".

Rule 2a. Competitors in the non-typical group may not alter their skin other than what is necessary to affix the sponsor "logo".

Rule 3. Owners/Trainers may affix as many "logos" to their body as they wish.


Section D.
Acceptable Locations for Competition

Rule 1. The location must posses a system to contain competitors and their prey.

Rule 2. The location must provide officials with appropriate locations for executing their official duties.

Rule 3. The location may or may not provide facilities for the use of spectators at their own discretion.

Rule 4. The competitive "arena" may employ obstacles to add a higher degree of difficulty to the competitors.


Section E.
Structure of Competition

Rule 1. A predetermined number of prey will be placed in the competitive "arena".

Rule 2. All competitors of the same group will be placed in a sack.

Rule 3. The bag shall be shaken vigorously and then the competitors shall be released into the competitive "arena".

Rule 4. Competitors will place all captured prey dead or alive in their respective bins.

Rule 5. At the end of regulation time the competitor's scores will be tallied.


Section F.
Scoring

Rule 1. Dead prey will be counted as one (1) point.

Rule 2. Live prey will be counted as two (2) points.

Rule 3. In the event of a tie one half (.5) point will be subtracted for each partial carcass in the competitor's bin.


Section G.
Addendum to the rules of Competitive Mousing

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6a.

Addendum B1. Cats possessing "dew claws" on the hind legs are deemed to conform to they spirit of Section B. Rule 6a. and therefore may compete in the typical group without having said "dew claws" removed.

Addendum to Section B. Rule 6.

Addendum B2. The governing bodies reserve the right to create as necessary a third group of competition that ignores the rules of Section B. while still adhering to the spirit of the section. This "unlimited" group will be created when the governing bodies and competing populace determine that it is necessary for the group to be created in order to grow the sport or to foster a greater degree of difficulty in order maintain a competitive atmosphere.

Addendum to Section D. Rule 4.

Addendum D1. After an incident at the 1964 World Series of Mousing the governing bodies have determined that the competitive "arena" may not contain obstacles that are lethal to competitors and prey.
i.e. tiger traps, guillotines, deadfalls, etc.

Addendum D2. The exception to Addendum D1. will be bodies of water shallower than three (3) feet.


Section H.
Closing

Any dispute of the rules or suggestions for new rules may be submitted to the governing bodies at the biannual meeting of the governing bodies of competitive mousing. All submissions will be heard by the rules commission and all rulings will be considered the conclusion of a submission.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The reason for the season



During this winter season the Space Pope would like to remind you

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A Short Review of Harsh Times

Harsh Times is the first movie that I can honestly say that I identified with the black character. This is no small feat considering I am in fact a middle class white guy from Texas. Congratulations to everyone who was involved in this movie for making a two hour lecture that is not boring.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Just Deserts Worse Than Just Desserts

Synopses: Kid tries to steal account, but gets his own account stolen.
http://futuremark.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23914

br0kenrabbit says:
hi

Greg_ValveOLS says:
good evening

br0kenrabbit says:
What's ip?

br0kenrabbit says:
up?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team

br0kenrabbit says:
On MSN?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes :)

br0kenrabbit says:
Why?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your information

br0kenrabbit says:
My information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared youre account infomation with anyone have you?

br0kenrabbit says:
No. I don't even have it written down.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?

br0kenrabbit says:
Well...

Greg_ValveOLS says:
if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe anymroe You know. L:)

br0kenrabbit says:
Well

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dont worry this connect it secure

br0kenrabbit says:
Can I be honest with you, Greg?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
Look, I don't know how you go this MSN account name, don't really care, either.

br0kenrabbit says:
Unlike you, I DO work for Valve. Trace my ip and you'll see.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
huh?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
bs

br0kenrabbit says:
Trace it.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
how

br0kenrabbit says:
Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
oh k

br0kenrabbit says:
As an employee, I know that Valve employees will NEVER contact users over MSN. I also know a valve employee will NEVER ask a user for his/her username and password.

br0kenrabbit says:
I'm putting a temporary hold on your Steam account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Have you read the ToS?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
Tod?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
tos

br0kenrabbit says:
terms of service

Greg_ValveOLS says:
were?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of losing your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
I just told you why

Greg_ValveOLS says:
:(

br0kenrabbit says:
I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I'm going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxx xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Is this you?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Are you the only user of this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay, and what is the username

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay.

br0kenrabbit says:
I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you. :)

Greg_ValveOLS says:
some. dude

Greg_ValveOLS says:
m

br0kenrabbit says:
Do you always log on from the same IP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
And who is your internet providers, your ISP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?

br0kenrabbit says:
What is your city of residence?

br0kenrabbit says:
That depends on if you cooperate. You're doing fine so far.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Illinios?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need to log off.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
So I can update your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
can I play 2 nite

Greg_ValveOLS says:
clan fight

Greg_ValveOLS says:
wont win without me heh

br0kenrabbit says:
Heh. You'll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Give me just a moment.

br0kenrabbit says:
Try to log in now.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

Greg_ValveOLS says:
It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
did u ban me???????????>WHY

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Valve will never ask for your username and password.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what????

br0kenrabbit says:
I don't work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
omg dude wtf why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Why were you trying to steal my account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i wanst

br0kenrabbit says:
Then why were you asking for my information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i'm only 13 and save d up for like a year to buy it

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dude pleas

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Go mow some yards, bitch.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Monday, September 11, 2006

I just had a Headache with Pictures.

The gist of it being that The Matrix is yet one more example of Hollywood bad guys being stupid.

Exhibit A, why do the machine grown people still apparently have sex organs. I seriously doubt Neo would have been getting it on with Trinity if he looked like a ken doll down there. I'll put it terms that even those dumbass machines would understand;

lim
Manhood → 0+
Life = PENIS
The reason why the machines shouldn't want their machine grown fuel to have sexual organs is simple; once Neo figures out what to do it won't be long until there are five or six little neos ready to wreck shit all up and down the machine capital of 01. This argument holds true even without The One; I can't speak for everyone, but I know for myself that if I was chilling in Zion and there were only a few thousand people left I would definitely be doing my patriotic duty and knocking up every chick in sight. I know that Zion is a small town, but there would be at least ten other men like me. Before long us, eleven horny, bastards would have grown our own army. So the machines are stupid for not deleting the sex organs of their batteries, but there is something they didn't do that is even more stupid.

This one is so obvious that I should kill myself and everyone else who didn't notice this the first time they saw The Matrix. Why do the machine grown people have arms and legs? This can only lead to trouble, but apparently after like eight tries those retarded machines still didn't figure it out. Since we never saw Neo fly in the real world we can only assume that he can't fly in the real world. The One wouldn't be able to get much done in a world mostly populated by human inchworms, especially when he himself was also a human inchworm. One might make the erroneous argument that the machines left the arms and legs on the people because it was a more efficient producer of energy. Even if you ignore the fact the machines had no problem producing vast quantities of people; one can't ignore the fact that roughly ninety five percent of a humans body heat is concentrated in their head and their torso. So why risk the possibility of being overthrown by your own fuel source when you can just genetically engineer them without the means to ruin your shit; and growing another five extra physically handicapped humans per one hundred normal ones wouldn't be that big of a problem. Especially with the extra security you would gain from doing things that way.

In conclusion the machines are stupid and The Matrices, while decent movies, are also stupid as are most movies. In fact people should start reading books instead of going to movies their plots are still just as full of holes, but at least you can sell a book to a used book store and recoup some of your losses; I've never met anyone dumb enough to buy a used movie ticket. Maybe I should try to find those machines.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Whats In A Name?

Big Puma - n.

A Big Puma glides effortlessly, and moves with cat-like nimbleness around the bases. Big Puma would never, ever fall while running the bases. Watching Big Puma accelerate gracefully to full speed has been known to make grown men cry. Occasionally, if you listen intently, you can hear the Big Puma battle cry: Raaayyrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

urban dictionary

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Knowledge is Power???2??@QUESTIONMARK?

Did you know that the original designation for the blackbird spyplane was RS-71, but President Johnson said SR-71 whe he announced it. So they changed the designation to SR-71 to save hime the embarancement. How times have changed.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Please point your derision at this person

Shelley The Republican

And guess what software Osama Bin Laden uses on his laptop?

If you guessed it was Linux you would be 100% right. Osama uses Linux because he knows designed to counterfeit DVD's, circumventing the Digital millennium Copyright Act, and defraud companies like Disney.

Yep, ripping DVD's and killing all Jews are the terrorist two main goals; in that order. Besides the fact that the ability to break DVD decryption is independent of operating system; Linux was only started by a European, but now development is pretty much worldwide. What's more Linux was designed to be a free version of Unix an American invention; and what's even more a whole lot of the American government uses Linux in their facilities.

This person also has no concept of global economy; not that I am any great economist, but I do understand that most large American companies are so globalized that they have ceased being American in all but sentiment (i.e. GM cars having mostly foreign components). The author's IBM laptop for example was most likely, unless it is pretty old, manufactured in China by those commie bastards at Lenovo.

The Fact that this implies that people who use Linux are somehow sinners is laughable. The amount of drugs necessary to find an interpretation of scripture denouncing the Linux operating system would kill an elephant.

Even though the article made my troll sensor explode, I just couldn't help saying something. The fact that its hosted on a server running Linux is just more evidence pointing to the inevitable confession of trollism.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I disagree!

I only have three things to say about *deep scary voice* global warming.

1. The global climate has and will continue to change regarless of human involvement. We may have sped it up, but "global warming" has been in effect for about 400-500 years; since the end of the little ice age [wikipedia.org].

2. More nuclear reactors and one fast reactor [wikipedia.org] for every normal reactor. No more coal, coal gas, heating oil, wind, water, etc. power plants needed.

3. et cetera.