Baseball 2006 Predictions

First things first, I should really change the title. These aren't predictions they are fact, this smoldering shrub told me the outcome of the 2006 MLB season and it also empowered yours truly to spread the truth. Second, I spent all offseason analyzing why the Astros didn't even win one game in the World Series and all the data points to the fact that Houston has the most expensive beer in all of baseball. Unfortunately when I presented my findings to the janitor at minute made park he only laughed at me, thus the astros are doomed to get swept in the World Series again this year. Okay, I didn't analyze anything, the smoldering shrub actually told me that also, but I probably could have figured it out on my own what with my amazing ability to get C's in statistics classes. We'll go through the outcomes for the NL teams first, mainly because I just flat out don't like the AL, anyone can throw chin music in the bottom of the fourth knowing the DH is coming up to bat second in the top of the fifth.

Houston Astros
101-62
NL wild card (loses NL central tiebreaker)
Defeats Atlanta in first round
Defeats SanFrancisco for pennant
Loses to AL team due to astronomic price of suds
Oswalt wins 30 games with a 0.095 ERA, but still doesn't get Cy Young

St.Louis Cardinals
102-61
NL Central Champion (wins NL central tiebreaker)
Loses to SanFransisco in first round
Pujols hits between 15 and 134 HR, has a .314 BA, and 92 RBI.
Pujols wins NL triple crown

P.S. The definition of triple crown as pertains to baseball will be rewritten due to Pujols large number of homeruns. The new triple crown can be won in the original fashion or it can be won by hitting a shit load of homeruns and coming close in the batting average and runs batted in categories. Marketers and ad execs everywhere revel in watering down yet another formerly meaningful sporting achievement to ensure better advertising revenue.

Atlanta Braves
96-66
NL East Champion
Loses to Houston in first round
Chipper Jones retires in disgust and opens a B&B in Savannah

New York Mets
85-77
As it is ordained, the Mets spend lots of money only to wallow in mediocrity

SanFrancisco Giants
77-85
NL West Champion
Defeats St.Louis in first round
Well timed surge in prostitution and gay pride parades is the key to SanFrancisco's win in the first round, but is also their downfall in the second round.

The rest of the of the NL is irrelevant, but I will say this Cubs 52-100. That's right the Cubs will become the first baseball team in America to commit ritual seppuku, a trick they learned in the offseason from the kanji Purple Headed Dragons a minor league affiliate of the Osaka Tigers. So for those of you in Chicago, remember that football is only seven short months away.

WoW Hero Classes

Someone posted this on a forum I frequent, and all I can say is damn I hope its true.

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:48 pm Post subject: Hero Classes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS THREAD WAS DELETED AS SOON AS IT WAS POSTED LUCKILY I SAVED IT AS SOON AS I SAW IT, TRUE OR UNTRUE WE SHALL SEE, STILL A GOOD READ

Sources inside Blizz have revealed their plans for hero classes. Blizzard does plan to release hero classes with the expansion, but they haven’t explicitly stated it because they want to announce it close to the release date, insuring a huge amount of hype. I haven’t been told much more than the basics, but I’ll try to explain the system as best as I can:

At any given level there is a certain amount of content; at level 60, the amount of content is very disproportionate with the available content for other levels. The reason is obvious: it is the current endgame, and players need something to enjoy. However, with the level cap raised players would be able to blow through and skip a lot of the content that has been developed over the past year, and allowing players to do so would be a poor use of the developers’ time. This is where hero classes come in.

You will be stuck at level 60, just like you are now, even when the expansion comes out. An epic quest (of REALLY epic proportions) for each hero class will be made available to level 60 players. The only way to break the level 60 barrier will be to go on one of these quests to become a hero class. The quest will require the player to do a lot of solo content as well as a variety of group and raid content. Upon completion of the quest, the player will become a level 61 hero class . They can then once again begin their normal level progression. A hero class is not innately more powerful than a normal class (but the level differentiation makes them more powerful of course). Hero classes will be available to everyone and although the hardcore players will naturally get their hero classes first, it is designed so that players of all play styles will be able to become a hero class in a reasonable amount of time. Blizzard’s implementation of hero classes will accomplish a lot of things. It will create a natural barrier at level 60 that will insure that the average player will experience more of the content Blizz has developed, it gives players a way of further differentiating themselves, and it adds a huge amount of new dynamics between different classes.

Each race/class combination will have 2 hero classes available to them (with several overlapping). This presents a monumental balance job (there are about 50 hero classes), which is probably another reason why Blizzard is delaying the information release. Choosing your hero class will be irreversible, much like the tradeskill masteries. Some hero classes are an extension of the “father” class, some have tweaked mechanics, while others are radically different. The easiest example I can think of is a Night Elf priest, for which the 2 hero classes are a Priest(ess) of the Moon (a continuation of the priest’s current form) and Demon Hunter (an agility-based combat hero with a variety of discipline-esque abilities). So without further ado, here is a brief overview of some of the hero classes:

DRUIDS

Night Elf Druid:
Arch Druid: This will be a hybrid class in the same vein as its “father” class, and Storm Crow form may make a reappearance.

Keeper of the Grove: The druid will sacrifice some of his shapeshifting abilities in exchange for improved healing and casting, and will even be able to command treants on occasion.

Tauren Druid:
Arch Druid: see above

Elder: This is essentially a druid that has lost some shapeshifting abilities and gained some beast-like abilities similar to the hunter. The casting and healing abilities are also amped up, but not nearly as much as the Keeper of the Grove. The Elder also has a bit of the Diablo II druid mixed in for good measure.

HUNTERS

Night Elf Hunter:
Ranger: The Ranger is sort of a hunter/rogue mix. The Ranger will use the energy bar, will have a few stealthy abilities (but not of the same caliber as the rogue), and will no longer have a pet.

Beastmaster: The Beastmaster focuses more on the beast aspect than the ranged aspect of the hunter. He gains new beast abilities, such as switching pets in battle, and is a bit meaner in melee combat in exchange for a lot of his ranged hitting power.

Dwarf Hunter:
Mountaineer: The Mountaineer is similar to the ranger (no pet, energy bar), but without the stealth aspects. The Mountaineer is hardier in melee combat than the hunter and and also has more extensive tracking and detection abilities.

Beastmaster: see above

Orc Hunter:
Outrider: The Outrider is very similar to the wolfrider from Warcraft III, focusing on swift maneuvers and incapacitating enemies. He uses the energy bar.

Beastmaster: see above

Tauren Hunter:
Tracker: The Tracker uses the energy bar like the Mountaineer, but still retains the hunter pet, and as a result is not as tough as the Mountaineer.

Beastmaster: see above

Troll Hunter:
Shadowhunter: This is essentially a hunter that drops some of it’s beast and survival abilities for some shadow spells (think Hex). The Shadowhunter still uses mana.

Headhunter: The Headhunter still has the ranged emphasis of the hunter, but it focuses on throwing weapons (a massive revamp for throwing weapons is planned). The Headhunter uses energy, has more combat abilities, and drops the pet.

MAGES

Human Mage:
Archmage: The Archmage is an exact extension of the mage class, with arcane, fire, and frost spells. Apparently one of the abilities being toyed around with is Summon Water Elemental. The planned incarnation of the spell will be a long-cooldown summon that will not function like a normal pet, and will instead function more along the lines of the Mechanical Yeti (no player control).

Necromancer: The only similarity between the Necromancer and the mage is the emphasis on magical damage. The necromancer uses shadow damage and has a major focus on pets, similar to the warlock. However, unlike other pet classes, the majority of the Necromancer’s damage will come from the pet instead of the Necromancer. I do not know if the Necromancer will be able to have multiple pets out at once.

Gnome Mage:
Archmage: see above

Arcanist: The Arcanist is similar to the mage, with a focus on arcane magic. The Arcanist does slightly less damage than the Archmage, but gains added utility and new support spells.

Undead Mage:
Archmage: see above

Necromancer: see above

Troll Mage:
Hydromancer: The Hydromancer is similar to the Arcanist, but with a focus on the frost tree. The Hydromancer may also receive the Summon Water Elemental spell. In addition to added utility and support spells, the Hydromancer will also get some limited healing abilities.

Shadowcaster: The Shadowcaster is essentially a mage that uses shadow magic instead of fire and frost.

PALADINS

Human Paladin:
Templar: The Templar is the holy warrior that so many paladins wanted their class to be. The Templar has limited healing, but receives a slew of new combat abilities, making the Templar much better at tanking and melee damage than the paladin.

Cleric: The Cleric is the other side of the paladin spectrum. Instead gaining new combat abilities, the Cleric gains improved healing, more utility and support, and some holy damage spells.

Dwarf Paladin:
Templar: see above

Cleric: see above

PRIESTS

Human Priest:
High Priest: The High Priest is essentially a priest that drops the shadow tree, but gains new damage spells from holy and discipline. The High Priest will be the most powerful healer in the game.

Spellbreaker: The Spellbreaker wears mail, has several combat abilities and diminished healing, and has several anti-caster abilities.

Dwarf Priest:
Thane: The Thane is basically a priest in mail, with a slight hit to healing abilities but a few new combat abilities.

Runelord: The Runelord is similar to the High Priest, although not as healing heavy.

Night Elf Priest:
Priest of the Moon: The Priest of the Moon is similar to the High Priest as well, but has some extra damage and utility spells coming from arcane and nature magics.

Demon Hunter: The Demon Hunter is radically different in playstyle from the priest. The Demon Hunter is a mana-using melee damage hero class. The Demon Hunter has a mix of discipline spells and combat abilities with some shadow spells mixed in.

Undead Priest:
High Priest: see above

Shadow Priest: The name is pretty self-explanatory. The Shadow Priest does not have all the healing abilities of the High Priest, but makes several gains in the damage, utility, and crowd control departments.

Troll Priest:
Shadow Priest: see above

?:

ROGUES

Gnome Rogue:
Assassin: The Assassin is an extension of the rogue with damage, stealth, poisons, and martial arts.

Scout: The Scout has slightly less damage than the Assassin, but is tougher in combat, and has the ability to use traps among other new utilities.

Human Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Dwarf Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Pitfighter: The Pitfighter is a rogue without stealth, but with improved combat and defensive abilities.

Night Elf Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Orc Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Pitfighter: see above

Undead Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

Troll Rogue:
Assassin: see above

Scout: see above

SHAMANS

Orc Shaman:
Farseer: The Farseer has more emphasis on healing and casting than the shaman, and as a result has less combat ability. The Farseer doesn’t use totems but gains it utility from other abilities. Feral Spirit might make an appearance using a system similar to the Water Elemental.

Spirit Walker: The Spirit Walker is a more direct extension of the shaman than the Farseer, maintaining a rough balance of combat, casting, and healing ability.

Tauren Shaman:
Farseer: see above

Spirit Walker: see above

Troll Shaman:
Witch Doctor: The Witch Doctor is similar to the Farseer, but has a heavy emphasis on totems. In addition to the elemental magics the Witch Doctor also uses some shadow magic.

Spirit Walker: see above

WARLOCKS

Human Warlock:
Master Warlock: The Master Warlock is an extension of the warlock class, keeping the pet and the vast majority of the warlock mechanics.

Shadowguard: The Shadowguard has more melee emphasis than the warlock, and loses the demonic pet. The Shadowguard on his own is weaker than other melee classes, but is aided by demonic-type abilities (such as burning blood and fiery breath) to power himself up.

Gnome Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

Orc Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

Undead Warlock:
Master Warlock: see above

Shadowguard: see above

WARRIORS

Blizz hasn’t fleshed out warrior hero classes as much as the others, so I wasn’t able to get much on them. However, it has been confirmed that Orc warriors do have the option to become a Blademaster!



Question marks (?) denote a hero class that hasn’t been decided on by the developers yet. I don’t know the Blood Elf hero classes. I don’t know the new Alliance race (although I hear they’re going to reveal it soon). I have no idea how talent/abilities are going to work, I don’t know what will happen to armor requirements and class specific sets, etc. Everything I know I’ve posted here, and it is subject to change as it is still in fairly early development stages.

True

I Submit to You: A Religion of Peace

+

=

Three Cheers for Mud-Butt

Lets hear it for the most perfect excuse ever concocted by man or beast; mud-butt. I wasn't late for work becuase I was hungover and sleep through the alarm, I had a wicked case of mud-butt. You didn't take a extra long lunch to interview for a better job, your doo-doo alarm was set off by that spicy food you had for lunch. We weren't cheating on our respective spouses in a portable outhouse at our childeren's soccer game, we both coincidently got the hershey squirts at the same time and were forced to share said facility.

Hip, hip, hooray; hip, hip, hooray; hip, hip, etc.

The Repulic/Empire's IT Department Sucks

So my roommate bought Episode III last night and after watching it I came to a realization. The Republic/Empire's* IT department sucks. It seems that every where R2D2 goes there is an open data port for it to use with impunity. This is a clear oversight on the part of the Empire's IT department.

It is not unusual for organizations with some form of dynamic configuration implemented to leave selected data ports "hot." It is however very unusual for an organization to leave every single data port hot and the network vulnerable to attack. Even if the Empire has some sort of longtime ago in a galaxy far away version of hardware filtering implemented the fact remains that their network was penetrated no less than four times in episode III and IV alone.

In the course of thirty to forty years one droid alone is responsible for many security breaches. Because droids are seen everywhere in Star Wars; one must assume that R2D2 was not a one off droid and that its model was mass produced. Therefore it is possible that thousands if not millions of these l33t hax0r droids are running around breaching the Empire's network wherever and whenever it strikes the fancy of the droids owners'. Anyone in the Empire would have been aware of these droids and their abilities; and even the lowliest of IT workers should have been able to see the security threat they entailed.

Obviously there is a balance between security and ease of access that must be achieved on any network. In the case of the Empire, it seems, they need to tighten security somewhat. When one droid in particular is constantly penetrating your security there can be no doubt that someone has been criminally negligent. In the world of computer networks, network security is the wall around Jerusalem keeping the invading Muslim hackers at bay; in the Empire Jerusalem has no wall. The onus of network security is a very serious one in today's world and the same would be true a long time ago in a galaxy far away.

*Because I'm lazy the Rebublic/Empire will hence be referred to as the Empire.

Our Lexicon Grows Large

Today I coined a new phrase, "rural myth." A rural myth is very similar to an urban myth, but a rural myth involves mules killing mountains lions or two ton catfish instead of over sexed teens being killed by psychos.

If Only All Hippies Were Like Willie Nelson

If all hippies were like Willie Nelson, I wouldn't have to deep six the state of California when I become president. What I mean is that your average hippie places himself on a pedestal of self righteousness and does nothing to further the inane causes that his over active sense of guilt forces him to believe in. That brings us to Willie, who is not a traditional hippie. All Willie Nelson does is support and work for causes he believes in, Farm Aid anyone. Well Willie is at it again, this time with a great technology called bio-diesel. Willie Nelson has lent his name and likeness to Bio Willie Diesel a commercial bio-diesel product available to the public. Basically bio-diesel is vegetable oil mixed with some chemicals to break down the natural viscosity and thus rendering it useful as a fuel.

According to biowillie.com:

Bio-diesel fuel
can be used in trucks and cars with diesel engines
Bio-diesel fuel
costs less and gives better mileage!
Bio-diesel fuel
is a fully renewable energy resource
Bio-diesel fuel
is grown by American Family Farmers!
Bio-diesel fuel
is biodegradable and has low toxicity!

For this reason and for just being a general kickass guy, I present the "Best Texan Since William B. Travis" award to Willie Nelson.

This Just In!

• New race found living six inches under Denver, all named Mort or Mortonson.
• Golf to be Olympic sport in 2012 at exspense of Baseball.
• The stray cats that my neighbor feeds might meet with an unfortunate antifreeze related accident in the near future.

The Advanced Bums of Waco: A Dungeon Masters Guide

Today we will investigate the advanced bums of Waco. Advanced bums only come in one flavor, drug addict. Homeless bums do not interact with "normals" enough to be further classified. I am sure that there are many other advanced bums than the ones listed here, but I am not a sociologist, so these are all you get.

• White Trash Bum: White trash bum is both annoying and infuriating. This is because white trash bum possesses the +5 white trash children of pity. White trash bum will use this weapon against you and although it is a powerful weapon if you have -3 cold heart of ice you should be sufficiently armed to resist white trash bum's advances.
• Crazy Eyes Bum: Crazy eyes bum is by far the most hilarious bum ever. Is he looking at you or your fern, you'll never know. While you suppress the urge to roll around on the floor convulsing with laughter; crazy eyes bum will try to encourage you towards philanthropic ends. If you can not refuse crazy eyes bum do not feel ashamed, because 100 years ago you would have had to pay for the priviledge of gazing upon crazy eyes' crazy eyes.
• Salesman Bum: Salesman bum is an exceedingly annoying bum, because salesman bum tries to sell you his worthless trinkets in order to get his fix. There is one problem with salesman bum, and its that as soon as you make the mistake of buying some of his -2 trinkets of worthlessness he will turn into a regular drug addict bum and he will still be annoying.
  

Remember, no matter how funny, pitiful, etc. that a bum may be, never ever under any circumstances give a bum money. There will always be poor people regardless of how much money you give away; and giving money to a bum will only encourage it to annoy you for more money.

part 1